The single life is not the life for me and there is nothing I can do about it except get through it. I am a hopeless romantic who seems confident, outgoing and it seems that I enjoy being single. That always makes me laugh when people tell me, “You look so happy being single!” My response is in Drizzy’s voice, “Who the f*ck wants to be single and alone?”
I have been in one relationship, ONE WHOLE RELATIONSHIP in 24 years and it completely f*cked my life up. Okay, so it wasn’t even that bad (besides the ending). It actually was pretty good, in fact there were days that were so good that there are still moments I wish things could be different but thankfully, finally, I know THAT is not what I want... and by that I mean going backwards and falling into the same old tune. Music can only last for so long until it gets old. But, no matter how much I want to change my music, it always leaves me with the same question.
What DO I Want?
I spend my days in two ways: either so happy on top of the world with no f*cks to give or more sad than Angelina Jolie when she loses her son in “Changeling.” (Okay, so I just watched that movie and bawled my eyes out so you might say I’m in one of those moods), either way- my shit is all f*cked up.
The days that I am happy I will swear up and down that I don’t want a relationship and I love being single. The days that I am sad, I can’t stop thinking about the what if’s or the what is wrong with me and the “I will forever be alone”. Other couples make me want to vomit and the littlest question could make me go crazy.
I f*cking hate it when people tell me that only I can make myself happy and that once I am happy with myself I will find someone. Or that when I stop looking for it, it will come. Well, I can say that I am as happy as I am ever going to get with myself and I deleted every dating app I had… so you can say I am not looking, so what the f*ck, life?!
My whole reason behind this rant is that being single shouldn’t make you sad. Stop comparing yourself to other people- everyone’s journey is different. Your struggles could be someone else’s walk in the park and vice versa. You have to fight through some bad days to earn the best days of your life.
I have been single for almost 23 years and my life is f*cking fabulous. I never look back on the days I spent being depressed over a guy because there are so many greater things that have happened when I look back, especially because I was single.
I am not sure what the “secret” is to obtaining a relationship but I know this post probably won’t help my odds. I wrote this because I want all those out there struggling with being single and being at your all time low to know that you are not alone and it will be okay.
Don’t ask me how to get a relationship because I have no f*cking clue how. But you can ask me what I appreciate in life because there are plenty of answers to that.
I appreciate the sun and the moon, my family and my friends. I appreciate the fact that I woke up today and yesterday. I appreciate the fact that I have a roof over my head and enough clothes in my closet for any type of weather. I appreciate that I can feel and see and touch. I appreciate life wether I have to face it single or married, in a relationship or divorced.
So the next time you blame being single for being depressed, think about all the things that you do have and the things that you have experienced, good and bad. Appreciate that fact that you are alive. Appreciate the fact that you are alive and single and ready to f*cking mingle. Appreciate the fact that you are free to do as you please and not stuck in a relationship that brings you down, holds you back or has you f*cked up in the head.
The best days of your life are coming and if you are so busy being down on yourself, staying in or holding back because you are single, than you deserve to be alone and single.
Never stop believing. Chivalry is not dead, you just haven’t found the right person yet. It is just not the right time.
Keep the faith and keep your head up because if you are looking down, you might miss an opportunity of a lifetime.
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