Gentlemen: 7 Women You Don’t Want To Date

 

The number one thing people don’t realize about dating is that it’s really not about what you want. It’s all about what you don’t want. We’re always extremely undecided when people ask us what we want. Mainly, because we have no idea. But you know what we’re sure of? We’re sure of what we don’t want. Which brings us to the topic of this article. Gentlemen, these are the 7 women you don’t want to date.

Daddy’s Girl:

The main reason you don’t want to date Daddy’s girl is because Daddy’s girl has never been told “no”. She’s always gotten everything she’s wanted, because she’s manipulative. She knows how to work Dad to get what she wants, and she will try to do the same thing to you. When you decide to grow a pair and say no, she throws a hissy fit like a thirteen year-old girl and doesn’t stop until you give in. Being Daddy’s girl also means Daddy’s never going to like you. You’re the guy having sex with his daughter. He hates your guts. It’s a lose-lose situation for you.

The Futurist:

This is the girl who is constantly planning both of your lives. She tells you where she wants the two of you to be three years from now, she has her wedding dress picked out, and she’s borderline fucking crazy. One month of dating feels like a lifetime; and suddenly you can see exactly how your life is going to turn out if you stay with her. Yes, you will turn into the miserable father driving the minivan with his over-excited wife and four children. Then you’ll look back and ask yourself where it all went wrong.

The One With All Guy Friends:

Anyone who dates a chick with all guy friends will eventually drive themselves crazy. If you’re a guy, you know why. If you’re a woman, you’re completely oblivious to this situation. For the most part, the only reason guys are “friends” with girls is because they think they can eventually have sex with them. Whether or not their female “friend” is in a relationship doesn’t actually matter. Her guy friends will talk shit about you, tell her how awful you are and then tell her she can do better. Meanwhile, you’re sitting around trying to figure out if she’s going to cheat on you with one of her guy friends. Then you use the excuse, “I trust you, but I don’t trust them”. Then the relationship turns to shit. Sure, guys and girls can be friends. But her guy friends have ulterior motives. And the motive is to get rid of you so they can move in for the kill.

The Social Media Celebrity:

Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat; you name it, they’re all over it. Their selfie game is at a level you didn’t even think a human being could reach; and all she cares about is how many likes she gets per day. She gets tons of messages from creepy guys asking her when she wants to hang out, and she gets really creepy comments from the same guys drooling over her pictures. Plus, she loves the attention. And when you don’t show her the same attention that some socially awkward creep shows her on instagram, she fights with you about how you don’t appreciate her. You would rather give yourself tetanus than date this woman.

The Text You All Day:

She needs to know what you’re doing at every waking moment of the day. Who are you with? How did you get to work? How did you sleep? What’d you have for lunch? What are you doing at work? Yes, every annoying question, she expects you to answer all day, every day. If you don’t answer her for five minutes you get a series of follow up texts. She also wants you to text her while you’re out with your friends. Next thing you know, you see her in person and you have absolutely nothing to talk about. Why? Because you’ve been talking all day long. Then you wonder why your relationship is more boring than the Mayweather-Pacquiao fight.

Let’s Do Everything Together:

Gym, food shopping, going out with the guys; she wants to do it all with you. She suffocates you like a Boa Constrictor does to its prey. After just a little while, you start taking hour long showers because it’s the only time you can get away from her. You tell her you’re working late just so you can have two beers with the guys without her around. Basically, you begin heading for the hills because she’s eroding your manhood like waves hitting the beach. It’s the most unhealthy relationship you could ever be in.

All I Talk About Is Myself:

She’s a legend in her own mind. She’s awesome, she’s the best at everything, and she will constantly tell you about it. There is literally never a sentence out of her mouth that doesn’t involve the words “I” or “me”. The worst part is that she will also tell you everything that’s wrong with you; and how you should let her fix it. Why? Because she’s the best and everyone should know it. Also, your friends hate her. They will never approve of this chick because they can’t be around her for more than five minutes. You don’t really like her that much either, you just think the sex is good, so you deal with her bullshit. This isn’t the relationship you want to be in. She’s all about her first, and anything you say or do comes second.

***Sidenote: Is anyone else disturbed at the fact that there are breast augmentation advertisements on NYC subways? America is imploding.


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