For many, sex is passionate. It is a private activity where couples explore each others bodies, trace their marks on every curve and run their hands over each others skin like it’s silk. Sex is something that will always be personal for anyone. It does not define a person, it is only a subject of their interests in their lifestyle. When people think of passionate sex, the connotation for that is “making love”. Passionate sex is slow and preserves intimacy. On the contrary, rough sex is seen primarily as “f*cking”, like a one night stand where no one cares who goes where the next morning; there are no strings attached.
Then there’s BDSM, showing that rough sex can be even more passionate than any sex a woman has ever had. Women and men may shy away from the term ‘relationship’, but every one of them craves a union with their respective partner. For many who do not understand what BDSM is, let me break it down for you:
BDSM is the secret code for Fifty Shades of Grey.
Just kidding, that novel was actually very flawed in its portrayal of the practice.
BDSM is really an acronym for “B&D” (Bondage and Discipline), “D&S”(Dominance and Submission), and “S&M”(Sadism and Masochism). Sadomasochism can be seen as the basis for bondage and discipline and dominance and submission, as the sadist inflicts pain on the masochist and from pain, pleasure is derived. Bondage and discipline emphasizes physical and psychological discipline, while dominance and submission exercises psychological power-play where the dominant has power over the submissive, all based on trust that no one will do anything without mutual consent, therefore contributing to mutual satisfaction.
Why would this appeal to a woman? As a woman who practices dominance/submission, I will be more than happy to give you just a few reasons for you ladies to look into this.
Absolute Trust and Power
Some like myself relish being the submissive at all times, but switches can be made. Dominance and submission does not mean the sub has no power. In fact, the submissive arguably has more power, because without the submissive’s permission and full trust in the dominant, there is nothing. The submissive exchanges power to the dominant, and only then the dominant can put his (or her) own desires above the submissive. There are punishments for disobeying and rewards for obeying orders. If the dominant says, “Get on your knees and suck me off you dirty slut,” the submissive willingly and eagerly obeys. Yes, filthy language is used, and it’s hot as hell.
The submissive desires to please the dominant at all times, and this is where trust comes in. Imagine the dominant leaving the submissive on a bed bent over with a blindfold on, with a single command to stay in that position. The dominant could leave the room for a bit, and yet the trust would still be maintained because the submissive knows the dom has a duty to protect and make sure the sub is safe, waiting for either the punishment or reward to be served appropriately. A safe word is always implemented to make sure that no lines are crossed. It’s a word that’s normally peculiar to say during sex, such as “vanilla”. Saying “stop” during sex like this will not work, because “stop” feeds into the dynamic of D/s, and is a sign to keep going.
If the trust is broken, then the relationship is over. Unlike other relationships where women are often apt to giving second chances, there are absolutely no more chances because in a D/s relationship, the submissive entrusted the dominant to keep her safe as she completely exposed her vulnerability. She allows her dominant to leave marks on her, she allows her dominant to order her to please. Likewise, the submissive may not break the dominant’s trust either. Everything is based on trust in the power-exchange, and that is exhilarating. Almost as exhilarating as the amazing sex.
Constant communication is important in maintaining a relationship, but in D/s, communication is vital. Everything is explicitly detailed and planned out beforehand. You know exactly what you are getting yourself into, so nothing is shady, and it’s chillingly spontaneous at the same time because you’re insatiable for the pleasure you know you’re going to receive.
We as ladies often worry about when he’s going to text back, what he’s going to say, future plans, etc. Everything in a D/s relationship is about the present, and there is always constant satisfaction in knowing that you’re in a secure relationship with someone whom you know is always thinking about you and all the naughty things they are going to do to you. Makes you want to just text him right now and beg him to come home.
A Loving, Confident Relationship
Believe it or not, people in D/s relationships are in the most loving relationships ever. You never have to worry about being played or used. They know your body and they know you, and they love everything about you. All of the components of a safe and healthy relationship are in this relationship. The kinky stuff can be left in the bedroom if you’d like, but the lifestyle remains in tact. I cannot reiterate enough that everything is based on trust, such a strong trust that if it was broken, it would be devastating. Trust is the foundation for every relationship, but for this relationship you can’t get by without it, and from this strong trust, sprouts a strong bond, and from that strong bond, love blossoms, and it is the most beautiful thing. Even if you’re not looking for love, you definitely will feel like you are cared about because, well, you are. Self-confidence is key in D/s, the women in these relationships know they’re hot and they know that their bodies deserve love and attention. You are not just a piece of ass, you are someone who has offered herself and who deserves full respect, and that respect is not only earned, it is honored. It’s not just “f*cking”, and it’s not “making love” either. It’s all of that at once.
Plus, think about how much better it feels when your spent bodies are tangled together in the sheets and he holds you close, so gently in his arms while kissing you, knowing just how rough he can be. Moments like that are cherished and remembered just as well as they are earned.
Dominance and submission can be seen as a whole culture in and of itself, but it’s filled with normal, everyday people, people just like you and me who go grocery shopping to get fro-yo to eat while binging on Netflix. It’s not difficult to find others who are into it, all you have to do is ask. Explore the lifestyle, talk to those who practice it. You may have an epiphany and realize you’re into it too. Good girl.
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