The 5 Rules of Being Friends With Benefits

 

When it comes to “Friends With Benefits“, or someone you only have sex with; everyone talks a big game. Men and women both tell everyone they talk to that all they want is a friend with benefits. However, when they finally find it, they break all the rules. Yes, when you enter into the world of friends with benefits there are rules the both of you must abide by. Once these rules are broken, you are no longer friends with benefits. You’re either dating, or you’re single. There is no in between. Why? Because you ruined what the in between was supposed to be.


 

Time.

First and foremost, time matters. What does that mean? It means the time of day that you speak to your buddy. On weeknights, your assigned hours are between 10pm and 1am. On weekends, your assigned hours are between midnight and 4am. You’re not trying to get to know this person. You two are strictly just sexual entities in each other’s eyes. There is no reason to find out how their day went and there’s no reason to find out why they hate their boss. You are only speaking to ask them if they are free for some type of insertion, and that’s it. Therefore, the time of day (or night, in this case) matters. Once you break the time rule, you enter into the realm of dating. Which is something you were both trying to avoid.


 

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.

There is a very strict don’t ask, don’t tell policy when it comes to being a friend with benefits. It’s very simple here. If you’re having sex with a person, you don’t want to know who else they’re talking to. You’re going to get jealous if they happen to tell you that they’re speaking to someone else. So if it’s not broke, don’t fix it. Don’t ask, don’t tell, have sex and move along.


 

Location.

Now we enter into the conversation of location. You are never to be seen with this person anywhere other than your apartment or theirs. Sure, it sounds cruel, but you’re also not dating. Remember? These ground rules were established early. You’re not spending money on each other to go out and get drunk. If you guys want to get drunk and then have sex, just do it at one of your apartments. You don’t go out in public. It’s your place, their place or masturbation.


 

No Double Texting or Calling.

 If you text or call your buddy, and they do not respond, you are out of luck for the night. There is no double texting or calling involved. Realistically, as the friend with benefits, you are both each other’s last resort. If you both can’t find someone else to have sex with, you call each other. You’re both like the last lifeline on “Who Wants to be a Millionaire.” If there is no response, you can assume they are with someone else. And that is something you can’t, and shouldn’t be mad about.


 

There’s Always a One Week Break.

What the fuck am I talking about? Let’s break it down. Friends With Benefits implies that the both of you are benefitting from your friendship. That means that if the woman is in the middle of “that time of the month”, you’re both off limits that week. I know every guy reading this is shaking their head at how ridiculous that sounds. But as I’ve stated from start to finish in this piece, you’re not dating. Therefore, you are not entitled to free blowjobs. Sorry, but that’s just the way it is.


 

 


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